Hug more, scold less. Listen more, yell less.

The following incident is absolutely true and happens every single day since the time my neighbors have shifted in. If you are someone who is all tigery and extremely rigid about parenting, then you shouldn’t bother reading further, because you obviously will not understand what I will be saying. And if you are someone who believes that there is always a better way out, especially when we are talking about “raising a child”, then you must read on.

I have 2 neighbors, 1 on either side. On my left is a family with an 15 months old girl and on the other side is a family with a 3 year old boy. The girl’s parents are like any other (normal) parents. They take her out for evening walks, her tiny little friends come over and she plays a lot at our place. In fact, she interacts so much, that she has already started speaking so many words and sentences. She looks at a cat and says “Meaow!”, she calls her “mumma” and “Papum” and is every bit active. She walks, runs, falls and again gets up! We love her. We love so much!

Now I have a problem with the other family. This little boy has really weird parents and granny. He is not allowed to go down and play, has merely 1 or 2 friends, is 3 and can barely speak a sentence properly, and as if this is not enough, he is scolded, shouted at and seldom heard! He silently watches the girl run around on the floor from the gaps in the safety door, and vainly calls out to his mother, “Mummy kholo. Mummy Kholo. Jana hai.”

Both these kids love playing together. In fact, even I and my family love him. He never troubles, fiddles with stuff without asking and is a very decent child. But the boy’s mother is an authoritarian lady. She does not allow her own son to come out and play on the floor with anyone. The father too is one hell of a lonesome austere. He seems to agree with the way the child is being treated, and never utters a word in favor of the child.

A few days back, we had “Kid’s fancy dress Competition”. So all the yummy mummies caked up their toddlers and proudly presented them on the stage. The whole society was brimming with kids of all shapes and sizes. And oh! Not to mention, they all looked adorable to death!

Now this lady locked her son up in the house (with his father, who is clearly of no use), and very joyfully went downstairs to enjoy the event. And there he was. Wailing endlessly, sobbing so much, that he was eventually out of breath, but she didn’t mutter a word! There was not even the slightest flicker of tension on her face. I was shocked to see how can mother and father be such a stone at heart?!

Unable to contain my disappointment, I blabbered “Isko kyu nahi le ja rahi aap?”, to which she said, “Kya karega jaa ke?” and merrily marched off inside the lift!

“Kya karega jaa ke?”

Are khelega!! Aur kya?

Bachche khelenge nahi toh bade kaise honge?

And every single day, I see him standing behind the closed door, and calling out to whoever is on the floor, my heart squeals in pain.

If you aren’t ready (mentally and emotionally), to raise a child, then why bother giving birth at first place? Eventually diverting your frustration on that little soul will only help you take baby steps towards hell!

I know there is no perfect style of parenting. Some people choose to be strict parents and others choose to be permissive ones. But shouldn’t there be a limit to whichever way you choose?

When you say things like, “You are a waste. Do it the way I am saying or get out.”, you are attacking the child’s core. Your love becomes conditional (or at least your words make it sound that way). Strict parenting puts kids at low self esteem risk.

Being too lenient also exposes children to great risks. There has to be a balance. And most importantly, if you treat your children as a priced possession, then at least treat them like one!

I am signing off on a sad note. Because I know I cannot do much about it. It’s a “Ghar ki baat” and people expect me to sit and watch silently. But that day is not far, when I might as well jump in and stand for the young man if the line of acceptability and tolerance is crossed.