Diary of a Soon-To-Be-Bride #1

Alright. I have been in double minds on writing what I am writing now. It’s been quite a few days now, and this weird feeling is only growing by leaps and bounds. May be writing would help. I don’t know.

I had never seen or experienced time fly at such a pace ever in my entire life! I mean, last I knew, I had 6 long months for my wedding day, with each day what felt like 36 hours and now when I see, it is merely a month away, and my days seem shorter than ever.

Once I step out of my office, I only think about how to make the limited time available with me, memorable with my mom and dad. To be frank, I have never seen them so emotional, with the thought that I will be gone. Never seen them so angry, that why can’t time slow down a bit. And never seen them so helpless and happy at the same time.

Day before yesterday, my parents got me 4 huge suitcases and 3 bags for my stuff. When I came back from office, mom asked me if all these would suffice?

That’s when I felt a lump in my throat. I could feel my entire world subside and crash all at once. I just nodded and escaped to my room. 

How could I tell her, that the house I have spend my entire life in, cannot be summoned in 7 bags! It really doesn’t matter whether I have 7 or 70 of them!

From the curtains that spread across the hall to the chair I and my sister fight for. From the utensils to every single particle of dust. From my own clothes to those of my sister and those which I haven’t worn in a zillion years, but still rest in my wardrobe. From my bed to the pillows, bed sheets, towel, toothpaste, shampoos, cushions, sofa everything is mine!!!

Sure I am excited and nervous about the new phase of my life, but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that when I will get up every morning, there will be an entirely different view from my window. I will no longer be kissing my mom to night and acting crazy around her. Everything would feel different. I don’t know if I will even be able to sleep first few days/weeks.

I don’t know if “THIS” is just a phase that every bride-to-be goes through or if it is me who is over-thinking. Being a love marriage, I always thought I had no reason to cry. After all, I already know my in-laws (who can’t wait to bring me home), my fiancé (who completes me) and the locality he stays in (few kms from my house). But in the last 6 months, there hasn’t been 1 night I had not cried to sleep and screamed in my pillow.

And I know even my mom & dad do the same. But none of us shows it aloud in the house, because none of us can see each one of us in tears. I don’t know if these feelings fade away with time or become more intense. Time will tell.