I miss being Pregnant | #MotherhoodUnplugged

As I write this post, I am also keeping an eye on my 4-month-old daughter who breaks into a beaming smile and squeals, every time I make a funny face. This indeed is the best feeling ever. But whenever I see a pregnant lady, a pang of nostalgia creeps in. I invariably end up feeling my loose belly.

And this brings me to the first confession of the year – I miss being pregnant!

The feeling is usually intense and sometimes leaves me blurry eyed. I kinda loved the feeling of having her inside me, feeling her move, turn and…kick. It was as if I carried a whole world within me.

Being pregnant changed my perspective very strongly towards many aspects of life. It allowed me to feel beautiful in ways that the society otherwise doesn’t confirm to. I may have been heavy, but my body positivity was at an all time high. My big belly and wide hips didn’t bother me at all. No dress was too tight or too loose to flaunt my new found shape and size. If anything, I only felt much more confident.

Honestly, I loved the attention. Random strangers initiating personal conversations, colleagues I have never spoken to would come and check on me, leave positive notes on my desk or text me something really sweet, shop-keepers would be extra sweet – making sure I was comfortable in every-single way possible. And as if this was not enough, I could eat away to glory, without feeling guilty. Feel like eating chocolate? Prawns? Fish? Pancakes? – It was all made available without having to move my big lazy ass :P

Here’s the thing. My bod has nourished, sustained and birthed a beautiful human. And that IS a big deal. In spite of what it has achieved, there are times when I am not proud of my hanging belly or loose arms, double chin and hair fall. I find myself judging my own body. I see the flaws, not what it has gone through.

When I was pregnant, I would drink water – bottle after bottle, as if it was my job. I knew too much caffeine/sugar/junk/spicy etc is not good for health. I would stick to healthy food, in right proportions, one off cheat days and keep up with my limited workout.

I was good at being pregnant!

Today – I miss my medicines, go days without a proper shower, miss my workout and most of all, I don’t always know what to do with a crying baby. I have seen people look at me- my body with questioning eyes. Probably judging me as too lazy to workout. And it is in times like these, that I just hug her and cry along.

This transition from being a pregnant goddess to a caffeinated-sleep deprived new mama is ridiculous. I fail more than I succeed.

Any way. As much as I miss being pregnant, I know I don’t really want to be pregnant yet again. I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I am going to become a better mom with every passing day.