Finding #MeTime in the midst of Motherhood | #KeepItReal

Before becoming a mother, a lot of people who had kids would say – “Once you become a mother, learn to say bye bye to your #me time”, or “Freedom is a myth” and so much more. And frankly, listening to them talk like prisoners in their house, bound by a tiny baby- did scare me a little (a lot, actually). I clearly had no clue what I was getting into.

I had my daughter Renee a few months later, and everything changed – BRIEFLY.

The 1^st few months were obviously the toughest. I had learnt to survive with 2 hours of sleep, the breastfeeding was insanely painful, but I kept at it. It was our decision to not give her formula milk and that was it.  At least 20-25 langoti changes during the day – before I would slip her into a diaper for the night. A chronic back ache had found its place, making it even harder to do the daily chores. After trudging through a dramatic episode of post-partum depression and eventually joining work, I finally started feeling sane. I felt like a version of myself I used to know.

I interact with many mothers who go on and on about how they are unable to find “me-time” or even a moment of peace, as if it was a badge of honour. As much as it scared me, I consciously opted out of that line of thought.

Finding “#MeTime” in the midst of motherhood didn’t happen organically for me. It took efforts, support and constant reminders & nudging from my husband, friends and family. So here I am, sharing how I turned things around for myself. I hope you too find the courage and strength to do what keeps you sane.

1.       Sleep when the baby sleeps

This was the most impossible task/ mind-set to get into. Whenever my daughter would sleep, I would start clearing the laundry or clean the room or help my mother with the daily chores. The list was endless. Not that anyone told me to work, but I just felt guilty sleeping.

Trust me when I say this, being sleep deprived just didn’t help. I was barely at my 20% productivity and was 100% dreaming of my long lost beauty sleep.

It took me 4 WHOLE months, but I eventually realized “sleep when the baby sleep” is the only mantra that worked for me. At least I felt fresh, I was smiling a little more, I was a lot less cranky/ irritated.

Today my daughter is 7 months old and I don’t shy away from grabbing a cat nap whenever possible. Had I realized this much earlier, I would have been a much happier mamma.

2.       Breast-feeding time = Reading Time

If you know me by now, you would also know that I am a compulsive reader. I ALWAYS have a book going. And always always have the next 3 books lined up – at any given point of time.

The 1^st few weeks of motherhood, my reading took a brunt. And this was one added reason to feel guilty. But eventually I got to realize that breastfeeding allowed me a lot of downtime. And why while away those hours, by scrolling Instagram and Facebook – when I could read away to glory?

This was my eureka moment and since then, my kindle has been by my side. All the time. 7 months of motherhood, and I have completed 11 books! J

3.      Learning during Maternity Leave

Having a monotonous-predictable schedule scares me. I like exploring new avenues. No matter however insane the ask might be.

As if just breastfeeding, just being sleep deprived, just recovering from normal delivery, just body changing in more ways than one and just post-partum depression wasn’t enough – I decided I wanted to learn something during maternity leave.

Call me an over-achiever or a sycophant, but that’s how I function. So before I could think rationally, I became a certified NLP practitioner and Six Sigma White Belt. I even went on deliver corporate workshops as a NLP Practitioner.

So you gotta do whatever gets you the adrenaline rush.

4.      Indulge when the baby sleeps

Paint, read, write, listen to music or simply sip your coffee peacefully in the balcony. Once the sleeping cycle has set in and the routine is slightly predictable, your could use this time for some #SeflIndulgence .

I use this time to write, doodle and exercise. And I am certainly coming out happier.

5.      Outsource some tasks

Yes you are the mother – and mothers are expected to be on their toes. Expected to know it all, do it all. But if you don’t have the physical and mental bandwidth for some baby tasks – feel free to outsource.

In my case, I would happily handover my daughter to my husband or my mother for burping and diaper changes. For people who may not know, breastfeeding is a tiring act. Some women even sweat profusely while feeding. So chances are you may feel exhausted by the end of it.

It is okay to ask for help. We all know you are a super woman, but even a super woman needs help.

6.      Exercise, Yoga, Stretching

For 5 months post-delivery, I felt disconnected with my body. No it was not the extra fat that made me uncomfortable, but the zero stamina and zero strength. It was almost as if I had lost all the energy I had and I was perpetually tired. As much as I wanted to work out, I think I had become too comfortable and lazy to act upon it.

However, the recent lockdown gave me the much needed opportunity to finally get my ass moving. It has been a month of continuous workout, and I can feel the difference. I know my stamina and strength is back, the extra fat is gone – and I feel one with my body.

So these were some things that worked for me. You have got to figure yours out.

Remember – your child needs a happy mamma, not a Pinterest perfect mamma :)